Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The power of words

A lot of little treasures in my email today. This is likely because three days ago, a man from Pakistan was caught squatting in an unrented apartment on the first floor of my building and was asked to leave. On his way out he did a number on the wires and no one has had so much as a doorbell until today.

I’ve noticed that when you let your inbox go for a little while, treasures come. Namely, I got a lot of serendipitous bits that apply directly to the pretzely thoughts in my head. Sometimes this happens by chance, and sometimes this happens because I send out specific, direct questions to people who I love and trust.

Without telling you the direct questions (that would spoil the fun, I will list, anonmymously, my favorite pieces of news and guidance. I’ve put them together so that it’s a sort of patchwork letter of love and light.

I've taken a lot of chances over the past few years and a lot of them don't work out. I haven't found a city that I love. I've dedicated myself to people that left me. I've spent money to support a career that is inching forward at a painfully slow pace. But I'd rather give something a shot than to stay stuck and dreaming of something else that I never try for. The choice I have made is to live cheaply, work as little as I can at an easy job so that I can have the rest of my time to put towards my art, which may or may not ever pay off.

It is a strange state of limbo. I just keep cleaning out closets.

I hung an empty black picture frame in my room. I feel that is full of significance.

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.

If this is what you want then push forward without hesitation. If you are done move on without looking back.

a lot of what we do is done, subconsciously, indirectly, to avoid the thought of death, or to make ourselves so unexpendable through our accomplishments that death will hesitate to take us, or, when the scimitar finally falls, to insure that we "live on" in the memory of the lucky ones still kicking.

Do what the 80 year old version of yourself would do.

Yes make art - enjoy your talent. It takes a lot of time to become a painter.

commit to whatever decision you make, throw yourself into it, and then do your heaven and earth-shaking best to make it work.

The cloud will go away soon:)

Roses did super this year.

Planning on seeding in styrofoam cups in a few days:  Bitter Melon, Emerald Okra, Texas Pink Eyed Peas, Vining Squash, Muskmelon, Parleys and a bunch of summer flowers and Burgundy Beans

I am a little miffed with Boots right now because he had the audacity to buck me off the other day. That’s what I get for letting him have too many weeks in the tall grass. I got back on him that day, and we came to an understanding, but I’ve got a doozy of a bruise on my elbow which all the grandkids call “gross”. I am Thankful I was not seriously hurt, except for maybe my ego, which healed up almost immediately.

Bill is making Squash Casserole, Baked Sweet Potato and Apple Brown Betty as i write.  Have a major veggie need.  Soon whole wheat/oat/pecan cookies or muffins.

I’m not sure if this email makes any sense at all, but I hope it gives you hope that a brighter future is ahead of you.

Imagine after the Trojan war, Ulysses sailed to the other side of Italy looking for his home Ithaca.

If you end up on the run from the federales, you can always hide under my floor boards.

if you 're out of ideas for a Sunday out, we will be at Flisvos bay with my cousin, her husband and all our 3 children

I miss you

Hoping to see you soon

Stay well dear

Take care,

my friend,

Keep on Dancin'

and God be with You!