Sunday, June 13, 2010

Filling the Bucket

It was suggested to me that maybe if my site was a little more uplifting, my writing (and my thoughts) will be also. You know, our exterior reflects our interior. Which begs the question, which comes first?

Anyway I haven't exactly settled on my new exterior and to be honest, am a little panicked that all of my posts have seemingly vanished, but I think when I have a few minutes I will recover them. Rather, when I MAKE a few minutes.

I did a covert "post" last night. Like a ninja! Sent my post as a little missive to the two people who I care to inform, "Yes I have a post. No I don't want anyone else to read it." Why? Jeezus, my head was like a nest of asphyxiated tarantulas. I had such nasty thoughts that I wanted to write and then, a little war going on between the warriors of light and the soldiers of dark. Half of the team wanted me to focus on the flowers of the day, the other half, the storm. The end result was incomprehensible writing in two parts: what was going on in the moment, and what was still raging in my head.

What irritates me is that I'm supposed to be writing about what I'm observing. In these 100 days I feel like I've wandered off of my path. Remember the Greek folk tale? If I knew where my old posts were I could hyperlink it here, but the good advice worth the man's gold was to not stray from the path you've chosen.

Back in my Starbucking days I had a manager named Carrie. Carrie was a nervous, shaky, sweet soul who easily got irritated and had her feelings hurt, but she has a heart of gold that outshone all of these superficial things. She was always impressing me. One day she showed up to work with those megatron cupcakes from Whole Foods, with fancy icing frogs and pigs on top or something like that. When asked what for, she just shrugged and said she was in a terrible mood and thought doing something nice might help shake her out of it.

I mentioned having missions each day, but the missions I REALLY want to do require just a bit of planning, a bit of organization, and in the thick heat of June with my schedule being determined the night before, I haven't been able to manage.

Some of my missions include:

Hiding love letters to no one in public spaces, intentionally to be found.

Painting on walls that aren't mine.

Making a photographic directory of all of the Athens dogs

Asking a gypsy to pose for a drawing

Dressing incognito and playing my violin on Aeropagitou Street with a bowl in front of me.

Sending a letter a day to someone I think about spontaneously.

Making Anti-protest signs and posting them all over the city.

I love making these little plans, but haven't found the energy to do them, which leaves me feeling like there's a hole in my bucket. "What bucket, Paige" Well, the bucket of my soul, if I have to be so direct. The one that you have to fill up until it spills over so that you can deal with losing Philippino dignitaries, feeling a little lost yourself, and mostly so that you can remember that with a little bad there's a lot of good. That doing something for someone else is going to make you feel better, in the end.

So for the next few days, in spite of having an increasing amount of work (that's really good) and an impressive pile of Greek homework from my new private tutor (that's... also good I think) and this still ticking 100 day challenge, I must make time for these little missions that will fill my bucket.